Two Turtledoves
by MsComrade
Summary: Christmas isn't meant to be this stressful, but for Zoro Roronoa life could never be that easy thanks to his husband and a very unique sweater. Can the holiday somehow be salvaged?


Two Turtledoves

Disclaimer: Psst. Hey guys, come closer. I have a secret…I still don't own One Piece…

Yohoho, yaoi ahead, if you don't like then don't read.

Zoro tapped his foot impatiently against the hardwood floors of the kitchen. If Sanji didn't hurry his ass up they were going to be late.

Again.

The green haired man sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He loved Christmas, he really did. He loved decorating the apartment he shared with his husband, he loved setting up their own little tree, and he especially loved curling up on the couch with his blonde in his lap and watching shitty old Christmas musicals.

But they still had obligations. It was their first Christmas together as a married couple, so the Roronoas had to make their family rounds. Usually this was something they did separately, but being married definitely changed things. The first stop was to Zoro's Uncle Mihawk to have an early tea and brunch, then they had to attend Vivi's yearly Christmas luncheon with all of her high society friends, until finally heading to the Baratie to have dinner with Sanji's step-dad. It was a full day full of forced smiles and awkward conversation that Zoro just wanted to get over with. The sooner that curly brow got ready the sooner he could enjoy his night. He checked his wristwatch again, growling at the hands that said they were already ten minutes late.

"Dammit Sanji! Get your prissy ass out here, we're already late! You know how my Uncle gets when he's left waiting!"

The loud slam of their bedroom door echoed through their small apartment, " well maybe if you had given me a fucking hand wrapping all these presents we wouldn't be so behind shithead!" the blonde growled stumbling toward the swordsman, his arms laden with brightly wrapped parcels, "Zoro give me a hand here! These shitty things weigh a ton!"

The green haired man chuckled at the struggling blonde before grabbing various packages and bags from Sanji's overfilled arms, throwing them down hastily, ignoring the blonde's endless ranting. A flash of blue caught Zoro's eye as he set down the last of the boxes. He felt his jaw drop as his eyes traced down Sanji's outfit

"Cook. You're not really wearing that are you?"

The blonde glared at him, dusting off the bulky bright blue knitted sweater, "of course I am idiot! It's Christmas!"

Zoro sighed, his eyes were already aching from the obnoxious color. There was a blob like pattern sewn haphazardly across the front in a darker shade of blue that drew all of his attention immediately to the monstrosity. Not to mention the damn thing was way too big. The sleeves themselves were almost down to his knees! "Sanji, that thing is hideous."

The blonde rolled his eyes, "really moss-head? You choose right now to become a fashionista?"

"Sanji," he sighed. Normally Zoro didn't give two shits about what Sanji wore. He wasn't even going to try to pretend he understood fashion, but today was different. It was their first Christmas as Sanji and Zoro Roronoa, the green haired man kind of wanted to leave a good fucking impression. Usually whatever the cook threw together looked amazing and Zoro was the one that got an earful about how he should care about his appearance more. He never ever thought the tables would turn on him this way. He took a deep breath, trying his best to keep calm, "we're going to be seeing a lot of people today. Together. As a couple. You can find another day to wear your damn jellyfish sweater."

Sanji's face immediately ignited in a brilliant scarlet blush that ran all the way up to his ears, "it's a reindeer asshole!"

The blonde stomped away to fetch his coat, angrily muttering about shitty sword wielding moss balls. Zoro massaged his temples, trying to ward off the tension headache already creeping its way up the back of his cranium.

It's going to be a long fucking day.

* * *

"You're late."

Zoro winced, "I know, I'm sorry Uncle Mihawk. We just had some last minute things we needed to take care of."

The older man appraised the couple standing in the snow for a few moments, his expression never changing. "Perhaps better planning could prevent such an undesirable occurrence in the future," the dark haired man said, his voice monotone. Golden eyes locked on to Zoro's gray, "we wouldn't want this to become a trend."

A shiver ran down Zoro's spine, as much as he loved his uncle, he wouldn't argue the fact that at times the man could be creepy. Sanji was shifting uncomfortably to his left, trying his best to balance all of the carefully wrapped bright pink presents in his arms.

"It'll never happen again," the green haired man said, bowing slightly to his elder.

The aged swordsman let out an annoyed sigh, "well I should hope not. Please come in. You have kept your cousin waiting."

Zoro groaned internally. The second Perona laid eyes on Sanji's sweater all hell was going to break loose. The pink haired teen absolutely adored Sanji. She loved the way he dressed and the way he talked and cooked, and she especially loved the way he spoiled her rotten. It genuinely pissed him off. His cousin was like a little pink thorn stabbing into his foot. They had just gotten here and he was already itching to leave.

"The tea has been set up in the dining room, if you would please deposit your coats here. Mr. Roronoa if you would, leave those gifts under the tree in the living room," Mihawk said, nonchalantly gesturing toward the hot pink Christmas tree set up in the middle of their large sitting room.

"Please, call me Sanji," the blonde chuckled awkwardly, gently setting down various boxes that Zoro knew were full of all kinds of frilly pink garments, before taking off his coat and throwing it in his direction, "if you wouldn't mind putting my coat away dear," the blonde snickered.

Zoro scowled, grabbing Sanji's arm and pulling him back harshly, "maybe it would be a good idea to keep your coat on sweetie," he growled, throwing the heavy jacket over the blonde's shoulders.

Sanji's glare was absolutely murderous, "no thanks honey," he grit out through clenched teeth, "I'm perfectly fine," he said, smacking Zoro's large tanned hand away and depositing his coat on the rack. Before the green haired man could say anything else Sanji had slipped into the dining room.

It was barely half a second after the blonde disappeared behind the ornate double doors that a high pitched wail erupted from within. Zoro groaned as the wounded yowl started to die down. It seemed his headache wasn't going away anytime soon. He approached the double doors warily. It was already half past eleven, all he had to do was survive until Vivi's party at 2:30. He could do this.

* * *

There was silence in the car as the not so happy couple headed to Alabasta manor. Time had not moved fast enough for Zoro. Perona had at some point decided that Sanji's outfit was all his fault. The pink haired teen had been glaring at him, kicking him under the table, and even throwing food at him for the whole time they were stuck there. Things were no better for Sanji who was stuck under Mihawk's scrutinizing gaze. It didn't help that the old man decided that a casual brunch would be the perfect time to discuss his and Sanji's sex life. Never before had he seen the blonde so horrified. There was still a residual blush that had settled in the cook's cheeks that probably wouldn't dissipate for quite a while. Zoro could still feel the embarrassment that burned his cheeks when his uncle had so brazenly asked who topped.

Hopefully things at Vivi's would go better. Over the past 3 years, this was the only part of Christmas that he and Sanji had ever shared. It sucked, being surrounded by snobs and nobles, but it was always bearable with the cook by his side. But Zoro had a sinking feeling that for some reason things were going to be different this time. All eyes were going to be on them today.

His fists clenched tightly on the steering wheel, "Sanji," his voice sounded too loud in the tiny car, "I think you should leave your coat on when we get to the party."

The silence in the car seemed to grow heavier in that moment. Zoro had expected some yelling from the blonde, harsh words or insults at the least, but Sanji was quiet. The green haired man's eyes darted away from the road briefly, just barely catching the hurt look on his husbands face as he turned away toward the window.

"Fine."

* * *

Zoro was ready to leave. He had been ready to leave the moment he and Sanji had entered the hot and crowded ballroom. Some elderly woman in a large fur coat had immediately latched herself onto him, talking about how 'inspiring' his and Sanji's marriage was and how she's always been a fan of the gay community (her hair stylist is one of those you know). No matter how hard he tried he could not get away from the woman. It didn't help that Sanji had been mobbed by his own group of nosy old women who were nagging him about what color they should paint their kitchen or his opinion of their outfit today, "and she just _can't _decide between the champagne ball gown or the traditional ivory, what do you think would go best with her skin tone?" Zoro could hear the hag from across the fucking room. The blonde looked more than uncomfortable as the old woman shoved her cell phone into his face, "I think that for a wedding she should just stick to ivory but my daughter has always been one for pushing the boundaries of tradition. I mean the man she's marrying isn't even _Christian." _ Sanji shot a pleading look in his direction as the woman kept babbling on about her daughter's scandalous engagement. Zoro had tried so many times to get to his husband, but every time something got in the way. The green haired man's chest ached as he watched his love from across the room. He looked absolutely miserable. He couldn't tell if the flush covering his face was from the embarrassment from the crowd of women or from wearing his heavy coat in the intense warmth of the ballroom.

This entire thing was wearing on his final nerve. He was just about to push his way through the mob of old women when a delicate hand grasped his wrist.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt ladies," Vivi said politely, "but I need to borrow Zoro for a moment."

"Vivi you are a saint," he murmured to as the blue haired woman led him away.

She waved him off with a smile, "I could practically see your tolerance break from across the room. We decided that now would be a good time to intervene, she giggled gesturing toward the buffet where all of his friends had congregated.

He felt his entire body relax as he approached them, gratefully taking the glass of brandy that Nami held out for him. He downed the glass of amber liquid easily, extending the glass eagerly for a refill.

The redhead laughed, grabbing a large bottle from the table and pouring him a generous amount, "you need this more than me right now," she smirked.

"You have no idea," Zoro said exhaustedly, "there's no end to them!"

"I'm so sorry about them Zoro," Vivi said shaking her head, "I had no idea this would happen. Poor Sanji, he looks absolutely sick. Is he alright?"

Zoro huffed running his hand through his hair, "no, probably not. Sanji's a bit claustrophobic, he fucking hates huge crowds. I better get him out of there soon. He looks like absolute shit."

"Good luck Zoro! You were a good man, you'll always be remembered!" Ussop said dramatically, falling against his girlfriend Kaya's shoulder, "it's only a shame I didn't get to know you better!"

The green haired man rolled his eyes as he walked away from his cackling friends, trying his best to navigate the crowd. He kept his eyes locked on his husband as he pushed through groups of people, not daring to take his eyes of him. The second he lost Sanji in the crowd he'd never be able to find him again. The closer he got to the blonde the better he could see how bad of a shape Sanji was in. His entire face and neck was flushed and he could see a fine sheen of sweat across his forehead. The cooks hand was clutched at his chest and his wide blue eyes were darting around wildly before landing on the swordsman.

Zoro's stomach coiled uncomfortably in his gut. He hated seeing the cook like that, and he hated all of these fucking people. Guilt welled in his chest as moved quickly toward the flushed cook, this was partly his fault. He can't believe he actually cared about what these fucking people thought of them. He can't believe he put these shitty people before Sanji.

"Oi cook!"

The blonde quickly rushed to him, pushing his way past a few old women and grabbing onto the swordsman's arm desperately, "took you long enough asshole," he muttered gripping his arm tighter.

Zoro smiled at Sanji softly, noticing the slight tremble in his frame, "sorry about that honey. How about I take your coat? It's awfully warm in here."

The cook blinked at him, eyes wide, before breaking into a wide grin. He pulled the zipper on his coat down harshly, eagerly pulling the heavy material off, sighing in relief as he tossed the offending coat at the swordsman. "Thanks moss-head," he whispered leaning his head against the larger man's bulky shoulder.

There were audible gasps and murmurs from the large group of women previously fawning over his cook.

"Young man, what _is_ that?" One of them asked, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"What, you don't know?" Zoro asked feigning shock, "These sweaters are _the _big thing this season! Anybody who's anybody has got one." Sanji's hands flew to his mouth trying his best to stifle his laughter. Zoro grinned at his husband quickly before turning his attention back to the women, "I'm so sorry to be rude but we just HAVE to be going now." Zoro grabbed Sanji's wrist and all but ran toward the door, pulling his laughing boyfriend behind him the entire way.

* * *

Sanji was beaming in the driver's seat and he drove the all too familiar route to the Baratie. Even if it was below freezing outside the sweaty blonde had the A/C on full blast.

"That was so fucking brilliant!" He laughed, shaking his head lightly, "honestly Zoro, what the hell got into you back there?"

The green haired man shrugged, grinning at his husband, "just got jealous of all those women trying to steal my man."

Sanji let go of the steering wheel for a moment to punch Zoro's shoulder lightly, "idiot," he chuckled.

* * *

They arrived to the Baratie late because of traffic. As soon as the car was parked Sanji jumped out, rushing excitedly to the restaurant. Zoro sighed, retrieving the last of the presents from the trunk and going after the enthusiastic blonde.

"Dad! We're here!"

Zoro raised his eyebrow at Sanji. Throughout all the time he'd known him, he'd never heard the cook call Zeff dad. Not even on their wedding when the old man walked him down the aisle.

"It's about time you shitty eggplant," Zeff laughed, hobbling out of the kitchen. Sanji immediately rushed to him, pulling his step-father into a tight embrace.

"Merry Christmas you shitty geezer!" the two blondes laughed together as the rest of the staff drunkenly stumbled into the main sitting area, cheering and chattering excitedly, taking turns pulling his blushing husband into affectionate bear hugs.

The Baratie was all decked out for the holidays. Silver and gold garland was hung from the ceilings, and the tables were covered in pure white linen, each one with a brilliant scarlet poinsettia resting in the center. The most impressive however was the large pine that towered in the center of the room beside the grand piano. It was decorated in flashing strings of colored lights and hundreds of sparkling ornaments.

Suddenly the swordsman felt two separate pairs of arms wrap around his shoulders, "Welcome to the family kid!" the familiar voice of Patty laughed boisterously.

"Now we can really get this party started!" Carne yelled from his other side, earning an enthusiastic cheer from the crowd.

Zoro felt Sanji's thin fingers wrap around his wrist and pull him away from the two grinning men. His arm immediately wrapped around the blonde's waist. Sanji was absolutely beaming, a faint dusting of pink across his cheeks as Zoro pressed a kiss against his forehead.

"Well if it isn't the shitty cabbage," Zeff laughed, making Sanji's face grow a few shades darker. The old chef pulled the two men into a tight embrace, "I'm glad you boys could make it," he said softly, squeezing them both a bit tighter.

"Shitty old man I wouldn't miss this for the world," the young cook smiled softly.

Zeff's eyes lingered on his son long after the couple had pulled away, "you've grown up so much," he murmured, "time really flies. It feels like just yesterday that you were creeping around trying to catch Santa Clause. And now you're here with your _husband."_ The old man shook his head, "and somehow after all this time you're still wearing that shitty old sweater." The chef's wrinkled fingers trailed over the thick material on Sanji's arm.

"Of course I am geezer," the blonde laughed lightly, trying to blink away the glaze of tears on his blue eyes, "you made it for me. It was the first Christmas present I ever got. I will always treasure it."

A wave of realization washed over the swordsman as he watched Zeff pull Sanji into another hug. A guilty feeling nestled deep in his stomach as he watched the two. He had no idea what that shitty thing meant to his cook. And he'd been an asshole about it all damn day.

When the old chef finally left to set the tables Zoro took his chance, wrapping his arms around the blonde from behind, "I'm sorry about what I said about your shitty sweater," he whispered in his ear, pressing a quick kiss into his cheek, "am I forgiven?"

Zoro's entire body relaxed when Sanji turned around in his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips, ignoring the various wolf whistles and cheers from the staff. "Of course idiot," he grinned.

* * *

Zoro smirked, taking another swig of beer as he watched the festivities. Zeff was seated at the grand piano, his aged fingers effortlessly glided across the keys, playing songs his muscles had long ago memorized, while Sanji sat beside him on bench singing the lyrics smoothly. He'd heard Sanji sing many times before, but it was different tonight, his usual honey smooth baritone held something else tonight that made Zoro's heart flutter at every note. Everyone else had gathered around the two cooks, clapping along and even dancing. He'd never experienced something like this before. His eyes wandered over the room taking in all the Christmas warmth. His gaze lingered on the blonde, happily singing a lighthearted carol, his long arm draped over his step father's shoulder. He'd never seen Sanji smile so brilliantly since their wedding.

* * *

Zoro collapsed back onto the couch, yanking off his dress shirt and slacks, tossing them carelessly on the floor. He was exhausted and the cool leather of their loveseat was welcome against his overheated skin. He felt something cool being pressed into his hand, and he gratefully took the cold bottle from the long delicate fingers.

"You know," Sanji murmured, his hot breath tickling his ears, "you need to open your present from my dad."

Zoro grumbled, reluctantly pulling himself off the couch top retrieve the package from, his heap of clothes. He tore through the wrapping paper eagerly, aware of the blonde excitedly looking over his shoulder.

The swordsman's jaw dropped as his fingers ran across the green knitted material, "Sanji, what exactly are those?" He asked gesturing toward the dark green blob sewn across the front.

The blonde laughed, nuzzling into his neck, "I think they might be turtledoves."


End file.
